I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
