btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
