Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
