I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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