in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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