I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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