i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
3 2 1 whiskey
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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