hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
two words: eviction party
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
