I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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