my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
