Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
