Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
