oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
