So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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