So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
