My Higher Power is John Stamos
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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