How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You took a bar mat shot.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
