I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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