don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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