paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
