I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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