She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
