I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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