Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
