Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
