I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
