Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
