arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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