no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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