The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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