P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
