My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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