I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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