just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Randomize
