eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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