good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
