Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
