i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
