My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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