You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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