I wish I could teleport
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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