Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
