He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
