A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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