So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
