Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
