I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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