what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
