I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
