Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
