I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
